In the wake of...

a sordid affair that ended in catastrophe (as they always do in my case), I've decided I want to take up sailing. Why sailing, you ask? Because why not? I've never done it, but there is something romantic and mysterious about it. The idea of having cold water spray on my face while "speeding" across the water seems fun and dangerous.

I understand that this is a very expensive venture and perhaps I might need to ensnare someone who already has a sailboat to teach me prior to buying a small one myself.

Anyway, I would have to save up for that any way. But instead of new boobs, I'll buy a boat instead.

The statement that caused the epiphany

The other day I was in the car with my two girlfriends. We had just finished walking Town Lake and we were talking about expectations of the people in our lives; mainly men.

My very smart girlfriend shared with me something someone had shared with her.

"Expectations are nothing more than premeditated resentments."

*ding ding ding ding*

The bells of epiphany rang high and low through my brain. Since then, my whole outlook on life seems to have changed. I've rededicated this summer to be the summer of non-commitments and love only for my son and myself.

I will take one day at a time and look at things at face value and not try to find the hidden meanings that are most likely not even there. I will learn what it is like to trust my instincts and go with the flow (if it kills me). Anyone who knows me, knows that this in itself will be a feat comparative to conquering Everest.

This is the summer that should have happened last year. I will retake it, own it, relish in it and learn from it.

Jet skis, friends and the sun...

I have discovered is the best hang over cure. What an awesome day at the lake with good friends, some ice cold beer, jet skis and a beautiful sky all around. Days like these make life grand.

This time of year is always hard for me

The anniversary of my father's death is fast approaching. He passed away June 17, 2003. I was on vacation in Seattle with my now ex husband visiting his brother. I hesitated to even go, but the tickets were bought way before my dad's health slipped even closer to the abyss. And my mother convinced me that if he was going to pass away, he would do it whether I stayed in TX or went on my vacation.

I saw him the weekend before I left. The weekend before Father's Day. I took him his early Father's Day gift. I set on the second twin bed of what used to be my bedroom, but had been turned into the sick ward with a hospital bed for my dad to spend his days. He looked horrible. Swollen, grey, but with a hint of jaundice. Diabetes combined with congestive heart failure is a horrible, slow and painful death.

He called me Shirley and accused me of smoking a cigarette several times throughout the visit. He was not lucid once.

My dad and I were never close. I'd like to believe it was because he was too conservative and I too much of a free thinker. But what it really boils down to, the worst parts about him are ingrained in me and I battle(d) with them constantly. We butted heads a lot.

After the day long visit, my ex and I decide to leave. My dad actually got up from his bed to walk us to the car. He slowly put one swollen ankle and foot into a house shoe and then even slower put the other foot in. It was painful to even watch, so I cannot imagine what it must have felt like. He gripped his cane and walked down the long hallway to the garage door while Richard(the ex) held his other arm.

When we made it to the garage door and stepped outside, he paused, turned and looked at Richard and very rationally spoke, "Take good care of her. She's a good girl."

It was the first and last time I ever heard my dad actually say something nice about me to someone else. Now, he may have said it in private to others, but if he did, I never knew. I always thought he hated me or was disappointed in me. I guess I was wrong.

I left for Seattle 3 days later. My dad died a week and half later. I'm pretty sure I knew the moment he died. When I got the call from my sister, it woke me from a sleep where I had dreamed he had come to me and said goodbye and to "not be stupid." That's what he would tell us. "Don't be stupid." I guess that was his way of saying, "make good choices."

I wish we had been friends.

Dating is for the birds

I've never been that good at it. I stress too much and have no control over what is happening.

There are two kinds of people when it comes to dating:

-Those who roll with it and let things happen organically

and then there is

-Me.

I don't let things happen organically. It's not in my nature. I blame my parents.

A song to exemplify my life!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6h95jpWgVs&feature=related

Vegas Baby!

I got to visit Vegas for the first time this past weekend. It was too much fun! My sister and I went to see the sights, hit the slots and tables and shop till we dropped. We dropped a lot. I saw the Elvis Cirque du Soleil show and it was just incredible. My jaw hurt from smiling from ear to ear the whole time. Let's just say I will go back...sooner than later.

Jude's Singing Debut

I love his modesty at the end. What a sweetheart!!

Spring into Easter!

Jude and I have had the day off together since it's Good Friday. We met friends for breakfast, then to the store and then to an indoor playnasium since it's rainy and gross here today. While at the playnasium, there was an Easter Bunny and they had an Easter Egg Hunt. Jude was all about it. But it got me to thinking...

Should I bring more religion into his life? He likes going to church with his cousins, but when I ask him if he wants me to take him, he says no. I don't really want to push it on him and I think when he's ready or willing, he'll ask. I secretly like being able to sleep in (until 7) on Sunday mornings and not have to spend half the day in church or even pantyhose and a slip for that matter. And honestly, I'm not even sure what I believe anymore. Being raised the way I was didn't exactly help with having much confidences in organized religions.

So on this Easter weekend, do I seek out a church where my pseudo beliefs can blend with his desire to sing songs and eat snacks with other 4 yr. olds and still gorge myself on Robin's Egg candies?

Team Dragons

The 1st game of the season was yesterday. Officially, no score was kept, but if I kept track correctly, the Dragons won 7-2. WOOT! Jude scored a goal...for the OTHER team. haha!! He informed me it was because the blue team didn't have any points yet and he wanted to help them out. How do you correct that line of thinking? My kid...the avenger of the underdog. I'm going to try to upload some pics from the game as well. Hopefully, it will work this time.







Needless to say, I am very proud of my little guy and am so thrilled he has taken to this sport. GOOOOOOO TEAM DRAGONS!!!

Don't gargle your bathwater

Oh yes, it was said tonight. He actually gargled with it. WTH?

I'm officially a soccer mom

Yep! The Mini-Me is all signed up, the parent/coach meeting was this past Tuesday and I handled coordinating the snack list and the Team Roster with contact information. Practice starts next week. Let's hope my kid actually gets into it rather than picking his nose.

Nights alone

It took a while to get used to it, but now, I like it. I'm not ashamed to admit it. I can drink wine without feeling guilty for being a little tipsy. And I can watch trash TV and revel in it. I don't have to answer a million questions, that I basically just bullshit my way through anyway. Long leisurely soaks in the tub go uninterrupted from, "I have to potty and I want to use yours!!" Yes, nights alone are worth it.

Nature is for the birds!!

Let me preface this with, I don't always have the brightest ideas. Today was one of those times.

A good friend called me up and invited me and Jude to go on a nature walk at a local overlook scenic location called Mt. Bonnell. It's beautiful there and without hesitation, I said, "sure, we'll go."

Me=dumb

I completely forgot that the high today is 35F and for a southern TX girl, that's too cold to do much of anything, much less a self imposed nature walk. Of course, Jude was having a ball and didn't want to leave even though 10 minutes into, I was ready to bail.

I didn't dress appropriately for it at all because being cute seemed more important to me at the moment. Yes again...

Me=dumb

At least now I have a bottle of wine and red beans and rice to warm me up.

Movies chosen by a kid

If I have to watch The Power Rangers movie, Transformers, or Teen Titans one more time, I might spork my eyes out. Seriously.

"No, son, I do not care how they morphed or turned someone into ooze. It does not appeal to me. Yes, I have seen it before. We watched it last week. For the millionth time."

That is all.

Speaking of batteries

My car battery died today. That's twice in as many months, so I decided to replace it. I called up the ex and after a few heated words, he agreed to come over and help. I'm still not sure why he offers to help at times when he is feeling generous, but when I am forced to take him up on that offer, he bitches and moans, but I digress...

So he came over after my sweet, dear friend, Maleah came to jump my car, with new battery in hand and installed it for me. Of course, I had spaghetti and meatballs ready to serve when he arrived, so he didn't have to work on an empty stomach since I so generously shared.

Now my car runs better and I have a way to take the juvenile delinquent in training to the hospital if the need should arise.

Speaking of which, I must get him out of the tub...

Recharging the batteries

Jude's too old for naps now really, but I still make him take one hour of rest time to "recharge the old batteries." It's not for him really, it's more like for me; so I can eat some chocolate without him knowing, watch one episode of Big Love, Weeds, The Tudors, or True Blood (depending on what series I have netflixed for the week), or possibly just go to the bathroom in peace. I guess in a sense it is for him too. If I don't get that break, he might not like how I treat him later that day. I'm already the "mean" mommy half of the weekend because I refuse to let him eat pudding for breakfast. Maybe I should just let him eat it...

Resiliency to new things

So Jude is signed up for soccer for the first time. This is a big deal. I want him to be in to sports like I was, his dad...well...not so much, but has decided to support my decision to sign him up. Jude was a bit resilient at first to the idea since he really doesn't know how to play it and the word "team" was overwhelming, I think.

Jude: But I don't know how to play so I don't want to be on the team.
Me: That's ok. The coach teaches you how to play.
Jude: Well good luck with that!
Me: I'm sure you will do wonderful. You just have to try.
Jude: I guess this is what you call a challenge.

See guys? He's smarter than me. I'm doomed.

So, off to Academy we go this afternoon. We must get him outfitted in the latest soccer styles. Since I don't have a daughter, I have to take advantage of these opportunities to shop for a boy and get the coolest cleats, shin pads and knee socks on the market.

Don't laugh at me. I have to get my kicks where I can.

And he farts..

constantly. It's never ending. He giggles hysterically as he does it. Boys. *le sigh* Does it ever end? Something tells me it doesn't.

My first post

I'm not really sure what I even want to say. I'm Julie. Most call me Jules. I'm a single mom of one very crazy and off the wall, almost 5 year old little boy. His name is Jude; aka Stinkbutt, Doodlebug, Boogerbutt, Buggaboo; you get the picture. Poor child will answer to most anything.

He's pretty much my world. We have been through a lot over the last 4.5 years together, but still going strong and loving it all. In fact, he's demanding my attention right now to show me his playdoh mess. A pile of *cheese* he tells me. Stay tuned...

...Oh yeah, definitely a pile of cheese...