a sordid affair that ended in catastrophe (as they always do in my case), I've decided I want to take up sailing. Why sailing, you ask? Because why not? I've never done it, but there is something romantic and mysterious about it. The idea of having cold water spray on my face while "speeding" across the water seems fun and dangerous.
I understand that this is a very expensive venture and perhaps I might need to ensnare someone who already has a sailboat to teach me prior to buying a small one myself.
Anyway, I would have to save up for that any way. But instead of new boobs, I'll buy a boat instead.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
The statement that caused the epiphany
The other day I was in the car with my two girlfriends. We had just finished walking Town Lake and we were talking about expectations of the people in our lives; mainly men.
My very smart girlfriend shared with me something someone had shared with her.
"Expectations are nothing more than premeditated resentments."
*ding ding ding ding*
The bells of epiphany rang high and low through my brain. Since then, my whole outlook on life seems to have changed. I've rededicated this summer to be the summer of non-commitments and love only for my son and myself.
I will take one day at a time and look at things at face value and not try to find the hidden meanings that are most likely not even there. I will learn what it is like to trust my instincts and go with the flow (if it kills me). Anyone who knows me, knows that this in itself will be a feat comparative to conquering Everest.
This is the summer that should have happened last year. I will retake it, own it, relish in it and learn from it.
My very smart girlfriend shared with me something someone had shared with her.
"Expectations are nothing more than premeditated resentments."
*ding ding ding ding*
The bells of epiphany rang high and low through my brain. Since then, my whole outlook on life seems to have changed. I've rededicated this summer to be the summer of non-commitments and love only for my son and myself.
I will take one day at a time and look at things at face value and not try to find the hidden meanings that are most likely not even there. I will learn what it is like to trust my instincts and go with the flow (if it kills me). Anyone who knows me, knows that this in itself will be a feat comparative to conquering Everest.
This is the summer that should have happened last year. I will retake it, own it, relish in it and learn from it.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Jet skis, friends and the sun...
I have discovered is the best hang over cure. What an awesome day at the lake with good friends, some ice cold beer, jet skis and a beautiful sky all around. Days like these make life grand.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
This time of year is always hard for me
The anniversary of my father's death is fast approaching. He passed away June 17, 2003. I was on vacation in Seattle with my now ex husband visiting his brother. I hesitated to even go, but the tickets were bought way before my dad's health slipped even closer to the abyss. And my mother convinced me that if he was going to pass away, he would do it whether I stayed in TX or went on my vacation.
I saw him the weekend before I left. The weekend before Father's Day. I took him his early Father's Day gift. I set on the second twin bed of what used to be my bedroom, but had been turned into the sick ward with a hospital bed for my dad to spend his days. He looked horrible. Swollen, grey, but with a hint of jaundice. Diabetes combined with congestive heart failure is a horrible, slow and painful death.
He called me Shirley and accused me of smoking a cigarette several times throughout the visit. He was not lucid once.
My dad and I were never close. I'd like to believe it was because he was too conservative and I too much of a free thinker. But what it really boils down to, the worst parts about him are ingrained in me and I battle(d) with them constantly. We butted heads a lot.
After the day long visit, my ex and I decide to leave. My dad actually got up from his bed to walk us to the car. He slowly put one swollen ankle and foot into a house shoe and then even slower put the other foot in. It was painful to even watch, so I cannot imagine what it must have felt like. He gripped his cane and walked down the long hallway to the garage door while Richard(the ex) held his other arm.
When we made it to the garage door and stepped outside, he paused, turned and looked at Richard and very rationally spoke, "Take good care of her. She's a good girl."
It was the first and last time I ever heard my dad actually say something nice about me to someone else. Now, he may have said it in private to others, but if he did, I never knew. I always thought he hated me or was disappointed in me. I guess I was wrong.
I left for Seattle 3 days later. My dad died a week and half later. I'm pretty sure I knew the moment he died. When I got the call from my sister, it woke me from a sleep where I had dreamed he had come to me and said goodbye and to "not be stupid." That's what he would tell us. "Don't be stupid." I guess that was his way of saying, "make good choices."
I wish we had been friends.
I saw him the weekend before I left. The weekend before Father's Day. I took him his early Father's Day gift. I set on the second twin bed of what used to be my bedroom, but had been turned into the sick ward with a hospital bed for my dad to spend his days. He looked horrible. Swollen, grey, but with a hint of jaundice. Diabetes combined with congestive heart failure is a horrible, slow and painful death.
He called me Shirley and accused me of smoking a cigarette several times throughout the visit. He was not lucid once.
My dad and I were never close. I'd like to believe it was because he was too conservative and I too much of a free thinker. But what it really boils down to, the worst parts about him are ingrained in me and I battle(d) with them constantly. We butted heads a lot.
After the day long visit, my ex and I decide to leave. My dad actually got up from his bed to walk us to the car. He slowly put one swollen ankle and foot into a house shoe and then even slower put the other foot in. It was painful to even watch, so I cannot imagine what it must have felt like. He gripped his cane and walked down the long hallway to the garage door while Richard(the ex) held his other arm.
When we made it to the garage door and stepped outside, he paused, turned and looked at Richard and very rationally spoke, "Take good care of her. She's a good girl."
It was the first and last time I ever heard my dad actually say something nice about me to someone else. Now, he may have said it in private to others, but if he did, I never knew. I always thought he hated me or was disappointed in me. I guess I was wrong.
I left for Seattle 3 days later. My dad died a week and half later. I'm pretty sure I knew the moment he died. When I got the call from my sister, it woke me from a sleep where I had dreamed he had come to me and said goodbye and to "not be stupid." That's what he would tell us. "Don't be stupid." I guess that was his way of saying, "make good choices."
I wish we had been friends.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Dating is for the birds
I've never been that good at it. I stress too much and have no control over what is happening.
There are two kinds of people when it comes to dating:
-Those who roll with it and let things happen organically
and then there is
-Me.
I don't let things happen organically. It's not in my nature. I blame my parents.
A song to exemplify my life!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6h95jpWgVs&feature=related
There are two kinds of people when it comes to dating:
-Those who roll with it and let things happen organically
and then there is
-Me.
I don't let things happen organically. It's not in my nature. I blame my parents.
A song to exemplify my life!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6h95jpWgVs&feature=related
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Vegas Baby!
I got to visit Vegas for the first time this past weekend. It was too much fun! My sister and I went to see the sights, hit the slots and tables and shop till we dropped. We dropped a lot. I saw the Elvis Cirque du Soleil show and it was just incredible. My jaw hurt from smiling from ear to ear the whole time. Let's just say I will go back...sooner than later.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
